Confessions of a Seeker of the Lord

by: Ashley Roman

I am having trouble coming to terms with my radical, conservative, equal rights, homophobic, socialist, universalist, Christian, anti-gun, pro-life, Republican, left-winged, peace-loving, Jesus following, gay-marriage supporting, heterosexual, Bible thumping self.

So many thoughts, so many gray areas, so I wait.

I wait for guidance from the Father.

I wait to act on my beliefs and convictions until I hear and feel the clear voice of Someone omnipotent.

Some answers I have received. Some answers seem to change as I mature and expand my horizons. Some answers have not wavered although outside pressures direct me elsewhere.

There are red-lettered answers in my Bible. As I read them I can picture Jesus standing in a crowd, teaching his followers with his dirty sandals and unkempt hair. He doesn't notice his appearance because he is more focused on the beggar at the street corner.

I desperately want to be like that. I want to look past people's sexual orientations, political persuasions, past-lives, and addictions. I want to see their soul and meet them where they are like Jesus did.

I was first introduced to Christianity at a Baptist church. Women were expected to wear skirts and not to say "darn" (too close to the real thing). That's all I knew; and I was taught the most important thing in life is everyone say the ABC prayer before they die.

Accept Jesus. Believe he died for you. Confess your sins. BAM. Saved.

I developed a fearful and judgmental attitude towards anyone whowas a "non-Christian".

I am thankful for that experience because it's where I first stood in the presence of the Lord and that has changed my life. I am thankful to have an understanding of how many conservative Christians think. And I am also thankful to have grown out of that mindset, realizing knowing the Lord is an issue of the heart not a matter of aformula.

But now, here I sit, a twenty-something Christian living in modern day America. My heart and mind are torn between tradition, family beliefs, political ideologies, and religion.

I love the Lord.

I love people.

I don't have the same attitude and feelings as some of my family members. And that's okay.

I have to admit, one of my guilty pleasures is starting debates with those who have very strong political persuasions. My goal is to convince my father I'm voting for Hilary Clinton. He might not be able to sleep at night, but it's too funny to resist.

I'm left with questions: who would Jesus vote for? What would modern-day American Jesus do with his free time? How would he minister?

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

James 1:27

I'm a seeker of the Lord who will keep on seekin'.