A Morning I Once Had

by: Ashley Roman

You wake up to your alarm, and an instant fear hits you.

You feel it in your stomach-- that nervous feeling that wont go away and appears out of nowhere.

Its gonna be another morning like this? You ask yourself.

Deep breaths.

You put one foot in front of the other, brush your teeth, turn on the shower.

You do all this simply because this is what you know youre suppose to do.

Its not what you feel like doing.

In fact, you feel like doing nothing.

But you know doing nothing will produce no good, only produce more of the same feelings, enlarged.

This is me. This was a week of my life last summer. Two weeks off of my anxiety medication and I hit a brick wall. Old feelings flooded back. Fear, despair, pain, hopelessness. They come and go, thankfully. If this is you, too, youre not alone. We always feel alone. But we are not. I believe loneliness is a tool the devil loves. He likes us to believe no one could ever understand what were going through. He wants us to believe this is it- this is how our life will be from now on. A scary solo journey. He wants us to believe there is no point, God has clearly turned his back on us or he would take this pain away. Wouldnt he?

I dont know why God allows us to feel these things. I do know God does not get any joy or satisfaction in letting his children suffer. He allowed Jesus to suffer in the garden of Gethsemane. Jesus cried out to God asking for his burden to be taken from him. And it was not. What was Jesus reaction? He pursued the Lords will no matter what. Thats what I wish I could do. Sometimes it feels so impossible.

Whether youre struggling with worry, stress, anxiety, or serious depression, we need to rise above. We need to accept these things as realities we are experiencing. We need to embrace them and do everything we can to work towards healing. But we also need to live our lives the best we can in the midst of it. We need to realize that the Joy comes in the morning.

When will your morning be?

That I cannot tell you.

But the Lord makes all things beautiful.

He can, and will, turn your dark night into a beautiful sunrise.

Let us not give up on ourselves and let us not give up on each other.


For your enjoyment: (shared from everydayfeminism.com)